Personality Description
In social interactions, sometimes I’m super outgoing and hyper, sometimes I’m reserved and anxious. I feel like my level of openness varies based on my unique subconscious analysis of the person I’m talking to. Everyone probably does this to some degree, but if I have a perception of obvious hostility or assertiveness from someone, it becomes somewhat difficult to make eye contact and I tend to get more neurotic and nervous. If someone is smiling, making relaxed eye contact, and seems positive and open, I can match that so easily and feel totally calm and responsive.
More generally, I think that I am a very open-minded person with a constant willingness to learn and to share the things that make me feel productive and clear-minded. I also get hyper and reactive sometimes, especially in intense situations, or with the consumption of sugar and whatnot. I also feel as though I have a solid and steadfast sense of grit and determination when I really have my eyes on a task. I like to keep my life in a cycle of improvement and grind, but also enjoy deep moments of meditation and introspection. I am always eager to learn more about myself and others and talk about anything. I find it interesting to write about myself because it feels like my ego is on the spotlight, which is a juxtaposition from it’s usually operation in the subconscious.
Some of the things that I learned a year or two ago was that I hadn’t really stopped and reflected and really tried to learn who I was and how my shadow self — the compartment of your ego that you actively repress and disown — was effecting my thoughts, intentions, and values. The prospect of mediation was interesting but I had no idea how or even what it was. Turns out I still hardly know what it is due to its large variety of descriptions. I found Buddhist meditation first, decided that I wasn’t into dogma and rules, and moved on to Vipassanā meditation, or simply, insight meditation. That’s where you still utterly still for periods of time and give virtually no effort on to anything except your senses until you feel calm and focused, and then you surrender your effort and let whatever appears appear, and you confront everything equally and mindfully, without judgement. It seems to be one of the best methods of introspection and focused self-analysis, second only to journaling in my opinion. I’ve been meditating for almost a year now and I feel it has integrated into a massive portion of my personality and improved the quality of my mind and ability to cease, slow down, and analyze the ever-rolling script that is my mind.
